JUST SHOW UP

It really is that simple. Kids don’t want much. Heck they don’t understand life. For example, I had no idea if we were poor…rich…we struggled…or knew anything about finances. I had more clothes than my closet could hold. My house was huge…not really but I thought it was. And there is no way that I could eat all the food we had in the kitchen in a month. I played sports, went to sleepovers, had friends at my house, and pretty much got to do what I wanted as long as I followed my dads rules.

I was blessed to have a dad that cared. He worked hard and did all the worrying for me. As I child I do remember one thing. I remember my dad always being there for me. He just showed up. I was never the kid on the field looking for her parent. I was the kid in the dugout being ask who all those people were sitting by my dad. Daddy didn’t just SHOW UP, he brought a fan club. My whole family would come to most of my games.

I’m only here to encourage parents. I mostly talk about single dads…well that’s because, I was raised by one. I’m trying hard to reach people on all kinds of platforms. I recently joined TikTok as well. Check out my video below and feel free to share.

I’m not great making videos but it has been fun and has forced me to get out of my comfort zone. You can also learn more about my personal life by following me on FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter, and now TikTok. Just type in raised by a single dad

I have compiled a list of 8 tips to help dads to understand their daughters a little bit more.

1. We cry for no reason. We sometimes can just get emotional out of the blue for no reason, and we just know that we need to cry. Crying can make us feel better. It’s like crying gets out emotions we aren’t able to explain or understand ourselves. So when your daughter is crying and you ask “why” and she responds with, “I don’t know.” More than likely she is telling you the truth. We can’t always explain why we are upset.

2. Shoes! Shoes! and more Shoes! I am shoe girl myself and we have a certain pair of shoes that go with certain outfits. We can’t just wear the same tennis shoes with every pair of yoga pants. They have to match duh! And the same goes for heels, boots, sandals, ect. We have certain shoes that go with high waisted jeans, boot cut jeans, skinny jeans, cropped pants, shorts, skirts, even swim suits. We need at least two pair of shoes for every one outfit. I mean, it all depends on our mood for the day. Ha!

3. A bad hair day can result in a bad mood all day. How we feel we look are the results of our moods for the day. We will also change our hair a lot. You do know that there are four seasons in a year. Brighter in the spring. Shorter for the summer. Darker for fall and longer in the winter. Or maybe we just broke up with our boyfriend…definitely time for a new do.

4. Boyfriends. We are going to have them. So just get use to the idea. The more you are willing to discuss the idea of our interest in boys, the more open we will tell you about our crushes.

5. Fine. This word can drive a knife into any relationship. Daddy’s, when you hear this for your little girl, it can simply mean…I’m not ready to talk about it. Don’t get mad, just say ok. Try to lighten the conversation, and come back to this topic in which she said, “fine” at a another time. Sometimes we just need to process and feel the situation.

6. Dating. Yes, the day will come when we start dating. Please don’t make jokes about what you are going to do when he shows up. We are just as nervous about the date as you are. We are the ones who had to muster up the courage to ask you if we could go on a date. When he shows up, you say…”what’s your name?, my daughter is my world, she will be returned safely and at a decent hour.” If he hurts her, by all means unleash daddy mode on him!

7. Hormones. The dreaded shark days. We will be moody and unsure of what is happening at first. Be patient. We are also learning all the new changes in our bodies. We will be moody, happy one second and sad the next. We may cry for no reason, revert back to #1. We can logically know what bothers us is stupid, but we can’t control our stupid hormones and how they make us feel.

8. Growing and changing. As life flies by and we are older in a blink of an eye. We realize how hard it is for you to see your baby girl grow up. Just know… We will always be your LITTLE GIRL!

Things to consider.
1. Don’t criticize her for being upset. Try to give her some space, to process what she is feeling. The more you show you care, the more she will tell you.
2. Don’t make her feel bad for liking boys or wanting a boyfriend. Be open with her about boys. Show her how boys should treat her.

Didn’t you notice Daddy…

When I was little…I was scared of storms and you let me sleep in your bed.
I collided with the catcher, and you carried me off the field.

…I wanted you there

Didn’t you notice Daddy…

When I was older…I went to my last year of camp, and you came with me.
I got hurt my last year in softball, and you comforted me. 

…I wanted you there

Don’t you notice Daddy…

Now that I’m grown…I still ask you for help. You helped me hang my tv on the wall.
I still ask you to hang out. You went with me to a Titans game.

…I still want you here

Daddy…I hope you know that I have always wanted you in my life. You have been to every event I have ever asked you to be at and more. I can always count on you for anything. I hope you have a great day. I love you! Then, Now, and Forever…I’ll still need you. 

Love, 

Your Little Girl – Kelly Jo

Why am I proud? Well lets start with…I haven’t always felt this way. I haven’t always liked myself. I wanted long blonde hair, to be tall and have blue eyes. I wanted a bigger house, a nicer car, a rich husband (or just an honest boyfriend), a better job. I wanted to make a statement. But who was I trying to impress. The outside world. I wanted to be the best, the most attractive, and the one who made it. What does “making it” even mean.

Learning to be proud has been and still can be a struggle for me from time to time. I have let and still sometimes let the outside world try to tell me how and who I should be. Getting older, life’s lessons, and learning to appreciate the small victories have taught me how to be proud.

My 30’s have been the greatest years of my life. I started working at Let It Shine Gymnastics when I was 29. It was the fall of 2012, just a few months before I turned 30. I took a huge leap of faith choosing to work there. I didn’t know anyone. I knew nothing about the gym and was scared to death to be working so far away from my family. I am so proud of myself for taking this chance. It has changed my life in more ways than I can count. It was the beginning of teaching me to truly love myself. It was there that I found my purpose.

In past seven years, I have had some of my proudest moments. I moved to the big city of Nashville. I have had some great roommates, cause dang…it’s expensive to move here. But I have worked my way up to living on my own. It took me longer to get there than others, but this is God’s plan not mine. And it has been LIS that has brought me closer to God.

I am proud of who I am and what I look like. I am finally loving myself for me. I can look at myself in the mirror and see my imperfections, but I smile because I finally know who I am. I am proud to be me. I like my sassy little self with legs so short, it’s hard to find pants that fit in length. I like my grey hairs that peek through when it I flip my hair to the side. I like my short stubby fingers that will never be able to palm a basketball. I even like the dimple in my butt that I can’t get rid of even though I workout four days a week. It’s probably my diet, but I like that I can still eat whatever I want at thirty-six. I like me, I like my imperfections, and I have the confidence in myself like never before.

My confidence comes from God. HE has taught me to love myself and when you can love yourself, you will be the happiest you will ever be. I have truly learned to rely on him. I can’t explain the freedom you feel when you put your life in God’s hands.

Be proud of yourself. Love yourself. You are you and God didn’t make a mistake when he made you. I am proud of me.

I was raised by my daddy and I can help you become a better daddy. Learning to bond with your daughter isn’t as hard as you may believe. It’s quite simple, you just have to want to do it. Here are the ways my daddy bonded with me that grew into a beautiful relationship.

1. Listen.
Listen. Listen. Listen. Don’t talk. And by not talking, I mean don’t try to fix our problems. We just want to be heard and tell you about our day. I promise the more you listen, the more we will tell you. Once in college, I had broken up with a boyfriend. I called Daddy in the middle of the night crying my eyes out. If you learn to listen, you will be her first phone call.

2. Play.
Play the games she wants to play. She may like to play dress up or have a tea party with her dolls. Join her! Wear a crown and drink imaginary tea out of those tiny little tea cups. I wasn’t a girly girl, I was a tomboy. I also had two brothers. One of my favorite games was made up. When daddy was sitting in his recliner, we would run by him and slide on the floor. We would see if we could get past him without him catching us. So dads, it doesn’t matter what you play, just be involved.

3. Share Music.
One day Daddy told me that he heard a song that reminded him of me. This was the start of us sharing music. When I heard a song and thought of him, I’d let him know. Once I even made him a cd of songs about us. We still do this and it has to be one of my favorite ways to bond with him.

4. Include her.
Include your daughter in your activities. When I was very young, maybe four or five, I was outside painting the garage with my daddy and brother. It was super hot outside and they had their shirts off. I kept wanting to take my shirt off but daddy wouldn’t let me. He said that girls don’t take off their shirts. I asked why and he said that guys can but girls can’t. Well that didn’t matter to me, I asked so much that he finally gave in. Maybe this is a bad example, but at the time I was to young to understand. The point is…include your daughter. If she is interested, it’s her way of saying she wants to do what you are doing. Let her join you!

5. Watch Movies.
We were a busy family but we did have the occasional movie night at home. I still remember how exciting it was to go pick out a movie at the store. Those times are over but I loved how we were all in the same room together watching a movie. And if your lucky, your daughter just might sit on the arm of the recliner like I did during family movie night. For a bonus, let her pick the movie!

6. Show her Love.
Be affectionate. All daughters want to know they are loved. You can show her how much she means to you by your actions. Hug her daily. Hold her hand as walk with her. Kiss her on the head or simply tell her you love her. Daddy and I had a nightly routine. I would be all snuggled in bed and he would always come kiss me on the head, tell me goodnight and that he loved me. It was comforting to know that at the end of the day he was always there for me.

7. Show up.
Go to her events. Maybe it’s a dance recital, a talent show at school, or a softball game. Just go. Be there for her to show you support her and are proud. Every girl wants to look into the crowd and see her daddy. You’ll be the first one she wants to celebrate with. Or maybe you can be there to carry her off the field when she’s hurt. My daddy was a man of his word and he showed up. Be like my daddy, just show up!

If you want to bond with your daughter, it’s not that hard. Just be a part of “her world.” Make her feel important, love her, and care for her. Let her join you in your activities. Show up and be present. We want to be seen and heard. That’s all!

Leave a comment of your favorite daddy daughter memory!

Working hard was not only expected in my house, it was required. When I started a sport, I had to go to every practice and every game. I wasn’t allowed to quit in the middle of a season. I had to finish what I started. I signed up for a season; my coach and teammates were counting on me to be a part of the team. It wasn’t just about me anymore. I had made a commitment and I had to keep my word. I cried, I fought, and I begged to quit sometimes, but he never gave in. I was so mad. I didn’t understand. It was just so stupid that I couldn’t quit. There were other players and some were better than me; they could just take my place. That’s what I would express to Daddy, but he still made me play. The lesson – he wasn’t being mean. He was just teaching me to follow through with the commitment I had made to others. I had no idea how this lesson would help me for the rest of my life. Some times I still want to quit and I can hear my daddy in the back of my head, “No, you have to finish. You signed up for this.” And I still dreadfully finish, but not without and huff and puff. Yes, I still talk back to my daddy under my breath and in my head; even when he isn’t really talking to me. Ha!

My daddy and I not only share the love of sports; we both enjoy running. Running wasn’t my first love. I actually didn’t like it much as kid. But Daddy ran a lot and would even win races. When he would leave the house for a daily run, he would always ask me if I wanted to go. My answer was usually no and I told him I couldn’t keep up. One day he finally said, “Just run with me. I will go slow and we will only go as far as you want.” I wasn’t really sure how true that statement was, but I took it as a challenge. I was like…this is cool, he’s finally letting me be in charge. I never got to tell him what to do, so I was like heck yeah. Maybe he just played reverse psychology on me but it worked. We went for a run together, and it was hard. I’m not sure how far we ran, but all I can remember is…I didn’t make it back home. I had to stop at the end of the street. My legs were broken, my chest hurt, and my lungs were about to stop working. Ok, none of that is true, but that’s what I felt like. I stopped, sat down, and said I’m done. It was lame because I could literally see my house when I said that. This is one time, Daddy let me stop. I think he could see how hard I tried and must have known I was going to push myself until I really fell over. I sat down and watched Daddy finish running to the house. How did I get home? No, I didn’t walk, remember…my legs were broken. I made daddy come back and get me in the truck. As, always a lesson came from this too.

“Mind over matter,” he said, “Do you know what that means?” My only answer was, “no.” I was too broken to think. He said, “If you don’t mind, it don’t matter. Your body may be hurting and what you are doing may be hard, but you have to tell yourself it doesn’t matter. It’s mind over matter. It will only hurt for a little while. Keep your head in the game. Don’t let what bothers you stop you from finishing. You will be happy once it’s over and you will be proud you did it.”

Mind over matter. The greatest lesson anyone has ever taught me. I carry this message with me daily. It’s the light bulb that comes on when I am struggling. When life is hard, mind over matter. I tell myself…I don’t mind, it’s only for a season, and later, it won’t matter. I grew to love running and when my legs feel broken, my chest hurts, and my lungs are about to stop working…I keep going. I find myself repeating mind over matter. It will only hurt for a little while. When you’re done, you’ll be glad you finished. I love my job, but sometimes it’s just too much. Mind over matter. This day will soon pass and you will forget the worries of the day. This one little phrase has had the biggest impact on my life. It has gotten me through some of the hardest times. It has never let me down and has always proven to be true.

MIND OVER MATTER – IF YOU DON’T MIND, IT DON’T MATTER!

Gymnastics wasn’t easy for you. You spent hours in the gym. You watched your teammates move up and join the team. You were left behind because you couldn’t get a kip. But your Daddy got you a rope to climb to build your upper body strength. A few months later, you got your kip and you were asked to be on team.

Don’t forget the first time you tried to bunt in a softball game and struck out. Your coach came to you and said, “Don’t be mad at me, but your Daddy said that you have to bunt.” You didn’t want to but your daddy knew you would never try it unless you were made to. Years later, you got a softball scholarship.

In seventh grade English you had to write about one thing you would teach everyone if you could. You said you wanted to teach everyone how to do a cartwheel. It was such a dream for you. You have been coaching gymnastics now for 14 years.

When you were sixteen, you got your first car. You were excited, happy, and finally free. As you got older, you always wanted to be able to afford a brand new car at least once in your life. In 2012, you rolled off the Chevy lot with a brand new car.

At 23 you moved out of your daddy’s house. It was expensive for you to be on your own. You needed a roommate. It was nice and you had fun but it wasn’t your own place. Currently your only roommate is your dog Midnight.

You always wanted to write. You thought about it every day, but struggled with what to write about. In June of 2019, you launched your blog. Now opportunities are opening up that you never dreamed about before.

Then there was the dreaded day, your daddy came home from Texas. He was there with your mom. She was sick. He came home to tell you that she went to be with Jesus. You never thought you’d get through the heartache. But here you are today, stronger as ever and pushing through life like a champ.

So self, life is hard. You will fall down, strike out, and sometimes cry yourself you sleep. There will be days when you don’t want the sun to rise and days you can’t wait to go to bed. When you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel stop, turn around and go back. Go back, and remember your struggles. Remember how hard it was for you to balance your bike and petal at the same time. Go back and remember the feeling of failing. Then remember how your determination made you succeed. When you have a goal you want to achieve, a heartache hits you like a tornado, or you are waiting on the perfect man, don’t quit! Go back! Your past is proof; that you can, you did, and you will achieve your goals and dreams.

Love,
Self

Life’s a dance, you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. Don’t worry about what you don’t know. Yea, I know you just sang that like the song. Ha-ha! I like this song a lot and it does have some truth to it. Sometimes you do lead, but I believe most of us are followers until we are eighteenth or move out of our parent’s house. Or at least that’s how it was for me. If you have followed my blogging journey the last few months, you know I was raised by my dad. My post has mostly consisted of funny, heartwarming, or encouraging stories. I have only posted my perfect online life. You can read my story and think that I had a great, perfect life. I had the perfect dad, who had the perfect daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I did have both of those things. I had (have) a great life and dad. The perfect daughter…well, I have already said that I was a brat. Probably more times than I’d like to admit. I am here to tell you that Daddy and I didn’t have the perfect relationship.

Growing up I was a follower. Not so much in the outside world but at home. Daddy was pretty strict. Homework had to be done immediately after school, chores, basketball drills and a workout. All of this had to be done before I could play. Work then play was his motto. Let’s just not tell my dad that I skipped the basketball drills and workout most days. Ha! Sorry Dad. Maybe that’s why I only played basketball till tenth grade. Did I mention I had chores. And I don’t mean just taking the trash out. I had to fold all the laundry, unload the dishwasher, and sweep and dust mop all the floors. Those were just my daily chores. I also had some weekly and monthly chores. Looking back, I can understand why I had to do a lot of housework, but as a ten year old I hated it. Daddy did hire a house cleaner once, but we could never find anything. I did tell him that I would clean if he paid me, so I guess I asked for it.

I wasn’t allowed to call boys on the phone, wear spaghetti strapped shirts and my shorts had to be long. I had to be off the phone by 9. My curfew was 10. You spoke when spoken to. You said hello when you walked in the door. You made eye contact when you talked to someone and you called everyone yes ma’am or yes sir. It was his house. He made the rules and I did what he said. I didn’t ask questions, and it only took me a few hundred times to learn to do what he said the first time he asked. And it wasn’t pretty when he had to ask more than once. Like I said, I was stubborn. My brothers and I never told on each other, because when one of us got in trouble, we all got in trouble. That’s more due to my dad didn’t know who to believe so we would all just get punished.

My dad and I struggled. We fought, we yelled, we cried and I would go days without talking to him. He was raising the female version of himself. I was hard-headed, a teenager, and I knew everything. We had to agree to disagree a lot. I also think some of our struggles, were he was guy and I was a girl. We were a lot alike and but our brains were wired differently. We all know how different guys and girls think. I couldn’t get him to see my side and I wasn’t even going to listen to his side.

Life doesn’t come with an instruction book to tell you who you are, what you’re going to do in life, or how your life is going to turn out. Daddy didn’t know he was going to be a single parent. I didn’t know my mom wasn’t going to be here forever. We both did the best we could. My daddy was tough, and I am thankful for that now. Life is a dance. We do learn as we go. I did follow, but it made me a leader. We try not to worry, but that’s easier said than done.

Parents….don’t give up on your kids. There will be hard times. It may be hours, days, weeks, or years away but if you keep trying, pushing, and encouraging your kids; it will pay off. Remember, you are older and have so much life experience. You do know best, but it doesn’t matter how much you try to make them understand; they just won’t get it till they experience it for themselves. Kids…listen to your parents. They really do know best. You won’t understand their reasoning, but as soon as you learn to take their advice, the easier life will become. There is a reason why we call the old wise.

Wikipedia defines a tomboy as a girl who exhibits characteristics or behaviors considered typical of a boy. This was definitely me as a young child all the way through well….today. I guess that’s typical when all you’re around is guys. I grew up with two brothers and was raised by my dad. I played more yard football, basketball with my brothers and their friends (that was probably more about flirting), and G.I. Joe toys; than I did with Barbies or dolls.

I am still quite the tomboy but I can be a girly girl when needed. I can dress up for church, a girls night out on the town, or when I have to go to a wedding. I am better at make-up, I can use a straightener (even though my cousin 14 years younger than me taught me how to use a curling wand last year), and thanks to Pinterest I can dress myself pretty fashionably.

In case you are wondering if you are a tomboy or not, I have come up with eight signs to help you out.

1. Your favorite movie genre is action.
I grew up watching Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone, and Steven Seagal. I crushed hard on all these guys, and I saw Bloodsport more times than I can count. Still today, I’ll choose an action movie over any other genre, but every now and then, I do enjoy a good chick flick.

2. You look forward to football season
If I wasn’t watching an action movie, I was watching sports. In the south, college football is a huge deal. Major events are planned around Saturday football. And in my family you have to be a Vols fan. VFL for life. You can catch me at sports bar alone just to see the Vols play. Is it bad that I have turned down dates because the guy didn’t like football?

3. You’re slow to show emotions
This one can be a bit deceiving…everyone knows when I am mad. Ha! Anger has always been my weakest emotion, but the others I can hide pretty well. Crying didn’t happen much in our house. Boys are tough and I had to be one of the boys.

4. You’re not afraid to get hurt
I played hard as a kid. I fell, got skinned knees, black eyes, and busted lips. None of that stopped me. I wasn’t afraid to get hurt and try again. Getting hit by my brothers or a softball was part of my daily routine. It was either cry or get even.

5. You’re Independent
Being raised by my dad and being a tomboy, wasn’t a big deal. He let me be myself and didn’t push me to be a girly girl just because that’s what others suggested. He taught me to not care so much of what others think. I was able to just be me.

6. You choose beer over wine
I have one friend that I drink wine with at least once a week. Other than that; if I’m drinking, it’s usually a beer. Nothing is better than beer and wings at sports bar.

7. Uniforms are a way of life
At the age of 4 I started gymnastics. Then came basketball and softball. All of those sports required a leotard, a specific uniforn, a pony-tail, cleats, tennis shoes or no shoes. My current job requires, tennis shoes, a pony-tail, and specific uniform. Now you know why I just learned to use a curling wand last year. Ha!

8. You’d rather go camping than shopping
My family has been camping on and off my whole life. The last 4 years we have gone every Memorial Weekend. It’s the newest family tradition. And when I say camping…I mean camping. We literally camp in tents. We rough it for the whole weekend. Don’t get me wrong…I do enjoy shopping, but I’d rather go camping.

Being a tomboy isn’t so bad. I actually claim that title with pride. It’s an exclusive club not every girl is a part of. It doesn’t matter how you grow up, or who you are. Be proud of yourself and don’t change for anyone.

With that being said…I think I’ll go have a beer!

1. Dad Jokes
We would be driving down the road and see a field full with round bales of hay. My daddy, “Did you know that the farmers might stop feeding the cows round bales of hay?” Me, “Really why?” Daddy, “They aren’t getting a square meal!” Me, “Wow dad, you’re so funny!” Now, I think that joke is hilarious, and I tell it a lot. And most of the time, I get a good laugh. 

2. A Clean House 

I got so annoyed that we had to have a clean house all the time. For the most part, our house was spotless. You could say that daddy was a bit of a neat freak. I use to tell him that when I had my own place, I was going to put my clothes everywhere and make it a mess; so, when he came over, he’d have to move stuff just to sit on the couch. Well, the first time my daddy came to my apartment, I cleaned the day before he showed up. 

3. Grocery List 

We had a running grocery list on the counter by the phone. Any time we were “close” to being out of something we had to write it down. I never understood why he needed a list. As a kid, I could remember everything I needed to do. Now, sometimes I forget to take my grocery list to the store. 

4. Talk Radio

We traveled a lot for sports. Some days we had to get up early in the mornings to leave for games. Even though I’d still be half asleep, I still hated that daddy listened to talk radio. I thought it was so stupid to listen to people just talk. I would ask him why we couldn’t listen to songs and he said that he liked his morning show. I now have a morning show I listen to. And those of you that know me, know I’m a bit obsessed with the Bobby Bones Show. 

5. Organization

Daddy is the most organized person I know. So much so, that his radio stations are in order from least to greatest. My brothers and I would rearrange the stations just to annoy him, and he would always change them back. I have been driving for twenty-one years. All of my car’s stations have been in order from least to greatest. 

6. Early

Arriving early is an understatement for my daddy. We were at least 30 minutes early to everything we went to. I once told him, that sometimes you need to be late or right on time to make a statement. What was I thinking? I am 30 minutes early to work every day. 

7. I’m Home

Daddy wanted to know where I was at all times. I get that, but it was so embarrassing when I had to call and tell him, I made it to where I was going. Now when I leave his house or I go on vacation, I’ll text or call him and let him know where I’m going or that I made it home. I do this without him asking. 

8. The Human Seatbelt

This happens when the parent slams on the breaks, and uses their arm to brace the child across the chest in the seat beside them. Well I don’t have a child, but I do have a dog. I have caught myself so many times reaching across the seat to use my arm as seatbelt for him. 

9. Gas

Being the responsible parent, my daddy was, he never let the gas in the car get too low. I am not sure the tank was ever below half. As a teenager, I’d roll up to the gas station on fumes. I still am not as good as he was but through the years, I don’t get below ¼ of a tank. 

10. Staying Home

I was on the go all the time. I looked for any excuse not be at home. I hated it when we had nothing to do and Daddy just wanted to stay home and relax. I now look for any excuse to not go out and just stay home and relax. 

I guess his annoying traits wasn’t so bad. After all, I am my father’s daughter.